RAPE: THE RAPIST OR THE VICTIM; I STAND WITH NO ONE! (Part 1)

Before you let your emotions run wild seeing that title, prove to me that you have the grit to go through this whole article and still be left with the same understanding as you do now.

If we are going to be true to ourselves for once, the rare virtue that we have solely accused our government and all other persons, (anyone but us) of not having; if you are going to display that rare virtue here, go through this article.

If you are not better educated by it, then you can let your emotions go wild and do what we do best; talk about freedom of speech and still attack those that try to.

THIS IS WHAT I STAND FOR!

Rape is recognized worldwide as a crime, which means it is punishable by law.

Statistics show that women are more at risk of abuses, with rape categorized under such. We often go with the definition that rape is any sexual activity without valid consent. The validity of the consent would be determined by factors like the age of the victim, mental state e.g. was he/she under the influence of any substance?

I STAND WITH THE FACT THAT WE ARE ALL GUILTY OF THIS CRIME

We put so much spotlight on the “Monsters”, as everyone would see them, I mean the rapists of course.

Can we for a moment shift our focus and look at the things that really matter?

Like what things?

Let me open your eyes.

Is any child born with the destiny of being a rapist?

I mean like, they were born and given the mandate, “go into the world and rape”?

And again, ‘they’  because men get sexually abused too!

So, along the line, do we think about what could have gone wrong?

What about,  the parts parents/guardians could have played?

What about adults who make selfish decisions in the name of marriage?

The decision to stay in an abusive marriage? Some having their kids watch them abused and others having the kids abused themselves… and by abuse, I mean rape as well!

What about parents that leave marriages, remarry, or just get hooked with a member of the opposite or same sex, start cohabiting and expose these kids to the same kind of abuse?

How often do we make decisions in favor of our kids, not placing ourselves first, not making just ourselves look like the victims in the sight of an obviously more vulnerable or at-risk population, those we swore, verbally or otherwise to care for and protect?

How often?

Remember, we are still holding unto that virtue, honesty and we will, all through this article.

Do not worry, you are not obliged to say those answers out loud!

And just before you sigh, you that has not experienced a divorce or did not get to remarry, how much effort have you put into modeling your kids? Or you have left them with your absence and the only option of having some pervert out there model them for you?

Imagine if a survey was carried out? hmm… what about?!

About women that have been raped by their husbands, Yes! I can bet that a greater percentage of women, I will say black women especially, would tick yes to the question “have you ever had sex with your husband times you did not want to?” if accompanied with a confidentiality clause. Or is the definition of rape different in that case? Do I sense a double standard in your thoughts? HONESTLY?!

Okay, how many abuse victims under this umbrella spoke up? How many of these kids have grown up seeing such, and conceived that it was just okay, maybe not completely acceptable but okay to live that way? I mean in clear terms, to abuse or be abused?

I say it again, “NO ONE IS INNOCENT OF THIS CRIME, WE HAVE ALL PLAYED A PART!”

Hey! Just before you make up excuses in your head, trying to exempt yourself from this claim let me ask this… I believe everyone reading this has a close relationship with someone of the same or/and opposite gender. I mean the man/woman reading this has a sister/brother, niece/nephew, or cousin. How many of us and how often have we sat these people down, told them how to behave around the opposite sex, what to say, touch, etc.

How many of them have we explained in clears terms what harassment, molestation, or rape means?

It is more than sex education my friend! It is equipping them with information and the right platform upon which they can use these tools. I mean, it is about having a relationship with your kids, as a parent, guardian, teacher, who so ever!  One that places you as the first safe place they come to in whatever capacity you may be serving them.

So I put the question out there again; how many of us and how often have we acted in ways that put us forward as actual adults that can be given the responsibility of keeping these infants, children, teenagers, adults safe?!

IT IS MORE THAN WRITING HATE SPEECHES AND CALLING OUT PEOPLE because I just called you out!

Yours truly,

A woman who has had her share of childhood abuse too.

Boma Bomor.

 

Boma Bomor writes from Lagos, Nigeria

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